I've been sick the past few days which has been inconvenient due to the holiday weekend. It started Saturday night and went into full bloom on Sunday. I had to work Sunday. As the day slowly ticked by, I felt worse by the minute. My charge nurse tried to get someone in to replace me, but no one would answer the phone.
I don't blame them, we have been consistently short handed and everyone has been working OT to the max.
So, with no other choice, I soldiered on, caring for people far less sicker than I was.
The ER doc, Dr CoolGuy thankfully was working and wrote me a script for Tamiflu. It sure felt like the flu. I waited for the end of the shift wondering if the hospital cared if I was possibly exposing my non sick patients and transforming them into future sick patients. <shrugs shoulders> Probably not.
Dr. CoolGuy and I have a taste for the same kind of soda - Diet Rite. He loves raspberry and I always have a hankering for white grape. He's able to find my kind around where he lives and I have no problem finding his around my grocery store. The first time I bought him a 12 pack of raspberry, he offered to pay me.
What?! No! "Quid pro quo douche bag!" I said in my best imitation of Mr.Chow from The Hangover.
We have an understanding. I bring him his, next time he brings me mine. If he gives me a pity script, I pay with Diet Rite. I owe him a 12 pack for this one.
Now it's Tuesday and I'm still feeling like a big ball of crud. Better than before, but crappy all the same. The true diagnosis has presented itself, so I tried to make an appointment with my doctor this morning. I need some antibiotics and a medrol pack. Perhaps my doctor's office changed how they make appointments. Usually, I have to call the appointment clerk who is this young, bitchy girl - she's downright mean. She'll argue with you until you have to be just as mean to her and then she'll give you an appointment. This time no one answered. The patient has to leave a message and is told they will call back. Surprisingly, I got a call back about an hour later. The lady had a strong Indian accent. I think my doctor started using a call service for his appointments. She asked me why I wanted to see the doctor. After I told her, she was confused, "What?"
"I'm sick."
"All right, you can have an appointment at 3:15."
Is that what offices are doing now? Using call services? I'm wondering if mean girl will be there to take my copay or I'll just have to swipe my card at an automated self serve check in. Perhaps that's why some people use the ER as a doctor's office - it's so difficult to see their PCP.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Friday, May 25, 2012
House Calls by Dr. Finger
A patient comes into the ER with chest pain.
His wife is bedside and both had awesome personalities. I start the usual workup: assessment, IV, blood work, 12 lead, ASA, NTG. Racked the chart and waited for the doc to do his assessment and orders.
When I received the chart, I noticed something out of the ordinary - a guaiac. For the non medical readers, this is a test where stool is smeared on a card, chemicals are placed on the card to determine if there is occult/ hidden blood which means that there is bleeding somewhere in the gastrointestinal tract.
Perplexed, I asked the patient about it. He mentioned that he told the doctor he noticed a small amount of blood in his BMs recently. Okay. I informed him what I would have to do in order to get the sample and why I was doing it. I quickly got my sample.
"Hey doc!" He shouted out.
"No, I'm your nurse. Are you all right?"
His wife was next to him smiling. "When you stuck your finger in my ass, my chest pain stopped immediately! I feel so much better."
"I'm sure the medication I gave you started working."
"Nope. It didn't. It was your magical finger!!"
Later, after going over the discharge instructions, the patient's wife asked me if they could get my home phone number. Both of them were smiling as she said, "This way, if he has chest pain again, you could come over and stick your finger in his butt again and make it go away. He really hates coming to the hospital."
I looked at my magical finger, imagining all of the power it must possess.
Then I wondered how much I would charge for it to make house calls.....
His wife is bedside and both had awesome personalities. I start the usual workup: assessment, IV, blood work, 12 lead, ASA, NTG. Racked the chart and waited for the doc to do his assessment and orders.
When I received the chart, I noticed something out of the ordinary - a guaiac. For the non medical readers, this is a test where stool is smeared on a card, chemicals are placed on the card to determine if there is occult/ hidden blood which means that there is bleeding somewhere in the gastrointestinal tract.
Perplexed, I asked the patient about it. He mentioned that he told the doctor he noticed a small amount of blood in his BMs recently. Okay. I informed him what I would have to do in order to get the sample and why I was doing it. I quickly got my sample.
"Hey doc!" He shouted out.
"No, I'm your nurse. Are you all right?"
His wife was next to him smiling. "When you stuck your finger in my ass, my chest pain stopped immediately! I feel so much better."
"I'm sure the medication I gave you started working."
"Nope. It didn't. It was your magical finger!!"
Later, after going over the discharge instructions, the patient's wife asked me if they could get my home phone number. Both of them were smiling as she said, "This way, if he has chest pain again, you could come over and stick your finger in his butt again and make it go away. He really hates coming to the hospital."
I looked at my magical finger, imagining all of the power it must possess.
Then I wondered how much I would charge for it to make house calls.....
Thursday, May 24, 2012
The Costs of Stupidity
Last week, my Dad was visiting from my home state. He stays about a week for his yearly visits. He normally makes his trip in July, when the weather is sweltering hot. The temperature is comfortable for this time of year, but the thermometer is gradually climbing which means turning on the A/C switch.
One morning, I walked out of my bedroom. "Does it seem warm in here to you Dad?"
The temperature control showed the air conditioning was running, but the thermostat reading did not confirm that it was doing any good. I started to investigate.
Circuit breakers - none tripped
Outside unit - running and clean, no debris around or in unit noted
Wiring - intact
Copper tubing - not stolen, no ice
Attic thingamajig - switch was on and running
Jumped up on the counter to feel the air vents - cool air, but hardly blowing
I called my hubby to tell him that I checked everything I knew to check and couldn't figure it out. I called the A/C people and a time was scheduled for the next day.
The next morning, this kid (20's) showed up and started doing the same checks I performed yesterday.....except for one.
"Did you change your filters?"
"Huh?"
"Your filters? When was the last time you changed them?"
I looked at my husband. "You changed them after the contractors put the hardwood floors in last week, right?"
"No. I thought you did."
Ugh.
I replaced all 3 filters in the house with the kid smirking a bit. He then went around and measured the airflow and temperature.
"It seems all right now. That'll be $____"
I wrote him a check and handed it to him, visibly peeved about the filters.
"Thank you ma'am. Next time you may want to check the filters before calling," he advised with that damned smirk.
I felt like telling him, 'well, yeah - no shit.'
My Dad sat there with a similar smirk on his face. "I don't want to hear it from you too, old man." I said jokingly. The smirk never left my Dad's face.
Perhaps this is a sign.
A sign from God warning me to think nicer thoughts when my patients do really, really stupid things.......
yeah, I didn't think so either.
One morning, I walked out of my bedroom. "Does it seem warm in here to you Dad?"
The temperature control showed the air conditioning was running, but the thermostat reading did not confirm that it was doing any good. I started to investigate.
Circuit breakers - none tripped
Outside unit - running and clean, no debris around or in unit noted
Wiring - intact
Copper tubing - not stolen, no ice
Attic thingamajig - switch was on and running
Jumped up on the counter to feel the air vents - cool air, but hardly blowing
I called my hubby to tell him that I checked everything I knew to check and couldn't figure it out. I called the A/C people and a time was scheduled for the next day.
The next morning, this kid (20's) showed up and started doing the same checks I performed yesterday.....except for one.
"Did you change your filters?"
"Huh?"
"Your filters? When was the last time you changed them?"
I looked at my husband. "You changed them after the contractors put the hardwood floors in last week, right?"
"No. I thought you did."
Ugh.
I replaced all 3 filters in the house with the kid smirking a bit. He then went around and measured the airflow and temperature.
"It seems all right now. That'll be $____"
I wrote him a check and handed it to him, visibly peeved about the filters.
"Thank you ma'am. Next time you may want to check the filters before calling," he advised with that damned smirk.
I felt like telling him, 'well, yeah - no shit.'
My Dad sat there with a similar smirk on his face. "I don't want to hear it from you too, old man." I said jokingly. The smirk never left my Dad's face.
Perhaps this is a sign.
A sign from God warning me to think nicer thoughts when my patients do really, really stupid things.......
yeah, I didn't think so either.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
From the Mouth of Babes...
I was a guest speaker at my kids' elementary school career day. I spoke to children in grades K-5th grade. It was an amusing experience. Some grades seemed to be fascinated by only one subject, asking questions that spurred more questions on only that one subject. The popular questions involved blood and guts, "gross stuff", strokes, and dead people.
My daughter returned from school proudly stating that all of the kids really liked my presentation except one fifth grader said "it sucked". My daughter was upset by this. I comforted her by saying, "Well, not everyone is going to enjoy it, that's okay." It didn't work. So, I said, "He's probably a turd who doesn't like anything." For some reason, she was satisfied with the boy being a turd. Mission accomplished.
Here are some of the endless questions asked by the kids:
"Do you know Jessica?"
"How many dead people have you seen?"
"Is it gross to see all of the blood and guts?"
"What is a stroke?"
"What is a mini stroke?"
"What happens when you have a stroke? Do you die?"
"Have you ever had a kid with a broken jaw? Because that was me."
"What happens when you get sick?"
"What happens when the ER is closed? Where do the people go?"
"Do you know David?"
"Have you ever had someone shot?"
"Did you stick your finger in the bullet hole?"
"What if someone pukes on you?"
"Do you take vacations?"
"What do you do with the dead people?"
"When someone has to go on the ventilator, how do you get his permission?" <this one was from a 4th grader>
"Have you ever seen bones sticking out of big cuts on people?"
"What is the weirdest thing you've seen?"
"I forgot my question, could you call on my again when I remember?"
"Can people leave the ER and then come back the same day?"
"Do you have to touch boogers? I can't deal with boogers."
"Have you ever had a patient named Ann?"
"Do people ever die in the ER?"
"How do you work around all gross people everyday?"
"Do people come in for spider bites?"
"I like bugs. I went to the ER for a spider bite. Do you remember me?"
"My mom works in the ER and she comes home and tells me about all the mean and stupid people. Do you know her?"
It was very enjoyable!
My daughter returned from school proudly stating that all of the kids really liked my presentation except one fifth grader said "it sucked". My daughter was upset by this. I comforted her by saying, "Well, not everyone is going to enjoy it, that's okay." It didn't work. So, I said, "He's probably a turd who doesn't like anything." For some reason, she was satisfied with the boy being a turd. Mission accomplished.
Here are some of the endless questions asked by the kids:
"Do you know Jessica?"
"How many dead people have you seen?"
"Is it gross to see all of the blood and guts?"
"What is a stroke?"
"What is a mini stroke?"
"What happens when you have a stroke? Do you die?"
"Have you ever had a kid with a broken jaw? Because that was me."
"What happens when you get sick?"
"What happens when the ER is closed? Where do the people go?"
"Do you know David?"
"Have you ever had someone shot?"
"Did you stick your finger in the bullet hole?"
"What if someone pukes on you?"
"Do you take vacations?"
"What do you do with the dead people?"
"When someone has to go on the ventilator, how do you get his permission?" <this one was from a 4th grader>
"Have you ever seen bones sticking out of big cuts on people?"
"What is the weirdest thing you've seen?"
"I forgot my question, could you call on my again when I remember?"
"Can people leave the ER and then come back the same day?"
"Do you have to touch boogers? I can't deal with boogers."
"Have you ever had a patient named Ann?"
"Do people ever die in the ER?"
"How do you work around all gross people everyday?"
"Do people come in for spider bites?"
"I like bugs. I went to the ER for a spider bite. Do you remember me?"
"My mom works in the ER and she comes home and tells me about all the mean and stupid people. Do you know her?"
It was very enjoyable!
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Another Shift, Another Day...
I've been a naughty nurse and haven't posted in a long time. Actually, I have been busy with construction on the house, shuttling kids to and fro and my seemingly endless pursuit of more degrees. Also, I've been just plain ole uninspired to write anything.
I split a shift with another nurse so she could see her kid's baseball game. I thought it would be a nice, quick few hours until I found out she was assigned to triage. Triage, for me, literally sucks the life force and compassion from my body and leaves me a bitter shell screaming inside my mind...."Really? REALLY!!!?"
The amazingly trivial things people come to the ER for is mind blowing.
Once I arrived, I started the cattle call of patients to be triaged: a scraped knee, a cold, a panic attack....pretty much a sea of ESI level 4s that any doctor's office, urgent care clinic, or Mom kissing a boo boo can handle.
The most interesting and serious case was an insect bite.
"Do you take any medications on a daily basis?"
""Just my vitamins"" the patient was 77 yrs old.
"Do you smoke, drink alcohol, or take any illicit drugs?"
""Oh no, no....but I'm thinking perhaps we should all start.""
This brought a smile to my face and the patient turned out to be what I deem "a spunky chick". I enjoyed my short time with this patient and wished I could go back to the rooms and be her nurse. We'd have fun.
About 5 minutes prior to shift change, a registration clerk approached me as I was returning from bedding a patient.
"I tried to get someone from the back to look at this child."
"What's wrong with her?"
"She has a cut and the parents don't speak English."
Okay. I walked out to the registration desk and immediately became alert. The kid was limp, fixed gaze, covered in blood, deep laceration to the head, and with agonal respirations. "A cut" was an understatement of this kid's condition.
I believe this was a new registration clerk. I wish this person recognized the seriousness of the kid's condition. I'm wondering just how long the family was standing there as I was bedding a patient. I'm sure if the clerk had emphasized the urgency to which this patient should have been seen, the other nurses would have dropped whatever they were doing and re-prioritized. Because they certainly did when I grabbed the kid, yelled for a trauma code and started working the patient in a trauma room.
I'm still praying for that kid - I hope she lived with neurological function intact.
However, after taking a look at the CT with the Docs, I don't think there's much of a chance....
I split a shift with another nurse so she could see her kid's baseball game. I thought it would be a nice, quick few hours until I found out she was assigned to triage. Triage, for me, literally sucks the life force and compassion from my body and leaves me a bitter shell screaming inside my mind...."Really? REALLY!!!?"
The amazingly trivial things people come to the ER for is mind blowing.
Once I arrived, I started the cattle call of patients to be triaged: a scraped knee, a cold, a panic attack....pretty much a sea of ESI level 4s that any doctor's office, urgent care clinic, or Mom kissing a boo boo can handle.
The most interesting and serious case was an insect bite.
"Do you take any medications on a daily basis?"
""Just my vitamins"" the patient was 77 yrs old.
"Do you smoke, drink alcohol, or take any illicit drugs?"
""Oh no, no....but I'm thinking perhaps we should all start.""
This brought a smile to my face and the patient turned out to be what I deem "a spunky chick". I enjoyed my short time with this patient and wished I could go back to the rooms and be her nurse. We'd have fun.
About 5 minutes prior to shift change, a registration clerk approached me as I was returning from bedding a patient.
"I tried to get someone from the back to look at this child."
"What's wrong with her?"
"She has a cut and the parents don't speak English."
Okay. I walked out to the registration desk and immediately became alert. The kid was limp, fixed gaze, covered in blood, deep laceration to the head, and with agonal respirations. "A cut" was an understatement of this kid's condition.
I believe this was a new registration clerk. I wish this person recognized the seriousness of the kid's condition. I'm wondering just how long the family was standing there as I was bedding a patient. I'm sure if the clerk had emphasized the urgency to which this patient should have been seen, the other nurses would have dropped whatever they were doing and re-prioritized. Because they certainly did when I grabbed the kid, yelled for a trauma code and started working the patient in a trauma room.
I'm still praying for that kid - I hope she lived with neurological function intact.
However, after taking a look at the CT with the Docs, I don't think there's much of a chance....
Friday, February 17, 2012
A Day in the ER
A day in the ER:
Patient arrives via ambulance, ESI level 2
Pt: Can I get a blanket? And some coffee? Maybe something to eat too, I haven't eaten all day.
RN: You can't eat or drink anything until the Doctor sees you. I'll get you a blanket after I do a few <hundred> things to get you in the process of seeing the Doc.
Pt: What are you damn nurses good for if you can't bring me food?
<Yes, I'm not good for anything, I'm just a ER waitress.>
PT's family member: Blah, blah, blah.....this is such a long wait time, we're tired of waiting, blah blah.
RN: I'm sorry for the wait, but the ER has had an incredible surge in patients at this time. The Doctor will be with you as soon as he can. Can I get you something to drink?
PT's family member: Yes, I want a cup of coffee. Where can I get it?
RN: We have it in a locked room, I can quickly get one for you.
PT's family member: I need a medium cup. I need you to froth the cream before adding the coffee, then...
RN: We have creamer packets, how many do you want and I'll -
PT's family member: IF YOU JUST PUT THE F*****G CREAMER IN THE COFFEE FIRST LIKE I SAID THEN YOU WON'T MAKE A MISTAKE. DO IT LIKE I SAID AND GET ME THE COFFEE!
RN: You can get your coffee in the cafeteria, it's down that hall.
PT: Are you my doctor?
RN: No, I'm your nurse. Woul-
PT: Well, you look like a doctor. You sound like a doctor.
RN: I am your nurse. So Mr. Soandso, would y-
PT: But I think you're a smart girl, I'm going to tell your boss to promote you to doctor.
RN: Thank you, but it doesn't work that way. I'm a nurse. So, I need you to-
PT: If you're smart then you shouldn't stay a nurse - that would be a waste......
<sigh>
Patient in the room ESI level 3:
RN: Hi, I'm your nurse and -
PT: Can I get a warm blanket and something to drink? How long do I have to be here?
Patient in room ESI level 4:
RN: Hi Mr. So and so, I'm -
PT: You're my nurse? Go get me a drink and a blanket.
Patient in room arrives via ambulance:
RN: Let's get you into a gown first, so we can-
PT: Are you a lesbian? Are trying to look at my tits?
<What? no blanket and drink?>
While on the phone trying to transfer a patient back to the resident's facility, a crying woman comes in informing me that my patient pulled everything out and eloped. The facility on the phone is telling me that it is my job to find a ride home for the patient, the charge nurse tells me I have a new chest pain in my room and nothing has been done - I better get in there to meet the protocol times and the security guard asks me to watch my dementia patient because she keeps leaving her room.
I couldn't find my happy place during this shift. It made me regret not going to law school..
Patient arrives via ambulance, ESI level 2
Pt: Can I get a blanket? And some coffee? Maybe something to eat too, I haven't eaten all day.
RN: You can't eat or drink anything until the Doctor sees you. I'll get you a blanket after I do a few <hundred> things to get you in the process of seeing the Doc.
Pt: What are you damn nurses good for if you can't bring me food?
<Yes, I'm not good for anything, I'm just a ER waitress.>
PT's family member: Blah, blah, blah.....this is such a long wait time, we're tired of waiting, blah blah.
RN: I'm sorry for the wait, but the ER has had an incredible surge in patients at this time. The Doctor will be with you as soon as he can. Can I get you something to drink?
PT's family member: Yes, I want a cup of coffee. Where can I get it?
RN: We have it in a locked room, I can quickly get one for you.
PT's family member: I need a medium cup. I need you to froth the cream before adding the coffee, then...
RN: We have creamer packets, how many do you want and I'll -
PT's family member: IF YOU JUST PUT THE F*****G CREAMER IN THE COFFEE FIRST LIKE I SAID THEN YOU WON'T MAKE A MISTAKE. DO IT LIKE I SAID AND GET ME THE COFFEE!
RN: You can get your coffee in the cafeteria, it's down that hall.
PT: Are you my doctor?
RN: No, I'm your nurse. Woul-
PT: Well, you look like a doctor. You sound like a doctor.
RN: I am your nurse. So Mr. Soandso, would y-
PT: But I think you're a smart girl, I'm going to tell your boss to promote you to doctor.
RN: Thank you, but it doesn't work that way. I'm a nurse. So, I need you to-
PT: If you're smart then you shouldn't stay a nurse - that would be a waste......
<sigh>
Patient in the room ESI level 3:
RN: Hi, I'm your nurse and -
PT: Can I get a warm blanket and something to drink? How long do I have to be here?
Patient in room ESI level 4:
RN: Hi Mr. So and so, I'm -
PT: You're my nurse? Go get me a drink and a blanket.
Patient in room arrives via ambulance:
RN: Let's get you into a gown first, so we can-
PT: Are you a lesbian? Are trying to look at my tits?
<What? no blanket and drink?>
While on the phone trying to transfer a patient back to the resident's facility, a crying woman comes in informing me that my patient pulled everything out and eloped. The facility on the phone is telling me that it is my job to find a ride home for the patient, the charge nurse tells me I have a new chest pain in my room and nothing has been done - I better get in there to meet the protocol times and the security guard asks me to watch my dementia patient because she keeps leaving her room.
I couldn't find my happy place during this shift. It made me regret not going to law school..
Friday, February 3, 2012
Flashback
I've had a stressful past 2 weeks which I don't feel like talking about right now, so I think I'll reminisce a little.
I heard about the recent new hires at the department where I once worked and discovered that their interview process is a shadow of what I had to go through to get the same job.
To get a position as an officer at this Department of Public Safety, a potential candidate had to do the following:
>Fill out a 30 page packet which took a long time to fill out. Information had to include the past 20 years of history (which at the time meant going back to grade school information).
>Once called to start the process (it took 9 months - I actually forgot about the application), a candidate had to go take a written exam consisting of general knowledge, math, critical thinking and mechanical aptitude. The exam took approximately 5 hours to take.
>If you passed, a phone call confirmed it and invited you to take the next eliminator - the physical fitness test. It was a long "workout" which was timed combining both firefighting and police requirements.
~I forgot how long the time requirements were, but the test was exhausting and performed without rest
breaks.
Ready, get set, GO! Pick up a hotel pack (weight = approximately 70 lbs), run up 3 flights of stairs,
drop the pack. Run to the edge of the building and pull up 2 sections of hose (approx. 40lbs) by a
rope 3 stories. Pick up hose, lift over railing, touch the floor, and the lift over the railing again and
lower to ground in a controlled manner. Run back to the hotel pack, and run down 3 flights of
stairs with it.
Run to the other side of the building, climb a ladder 3 stories, touch the top and back to the ground.
Run back around to the other side, chop a piece of wood with an axe.
Run inside the building where there is a hose rack with 10 sections of 2 1/2" hose on the top section.
Take each section down, stack neatly and then return them back to their original place.
Run outside the tower to an area where you have to run 50 ft with various boxes and weights, then
drag a charged 2 1/2" hose the 50 ft. Drag a 180 lb manikin.
Now you ran to the police obstacle course area. Jump/climb over various heights of chain link
fences, crawl through some tunnels, balance on beams and perform some sprints.
Next, get into a patrol car - huh, I forgot what the hell I did in there - weird. Then you jump out
and hold a training 9mm gun in firing position for 2 minutes. (This doesn't sound difficult, but after
everything, you feel like a rubber band).
Now you drop the gun and run half a mile.
That's the end of the physical fitness test.
>If you passed that, then you get a phone call for a medical physical and a written psychological test to see how much you hate your mother and such.
>If you pass that, then you have an appointment with a psychologist to see how much you hate your mother again.
>If you pass that, you have to wait for your background investigation to be completed. They had people visit my relatives, neighbors, friends from school - back to elementary school. Amazing.
>If you pass that, then you meet with your case investigator who asks you about everything they found out and to explain any bad thing you could have done in the past.
>If you pass that, then you are invited to have be interviewed. An interview consists of 6 senior officers of both the fire and police department. It is not a pleasant experience. They use every means possible to piss you off and play psychological games. One was "the good cop", one was the "bad cop", one asked the goofiest and strangest questions, another was the agitator.
I was seated at a round table with all the interviewers looking at me. The started pleasantly, then one by one started asking questions. The strange guy kept asking about decapitations and described gruesome scenerios with questions. The "good cop" asked a couple of questions, was all smiles and listened to me intently. The "bad cop" asked questions with a scowl on his face, swirled around in his chair while I was talking to him, etc. I was surprised by his actions at the time. The agitator told me he saw some of my grades in college and thought I was stupid. He asked, "Are you f*cking stupid or plain lazy?" "I'm not hiring a dumbass." WHAT???!!
Any answer to his question he called me "stupid" or "dumbass". He clearly was trying to piss me off. Situational questions, shoot/ don't shoot questions, personal questions..... The finale was the question, "Who here will vote for you being part of our "family" and who here will vote against you and why."
I walked in there looking professional in my suit and left sweaty and plainly shocked. I was lead to an office where I was offered the position.
I have never before had an "interview process" like that and probably never will again.
The officer candidates now have it easy. They no longer interview that way and I think it's a shame. It clearly eliminated those that would succumb to easy stress in the job. One guy, who actually made it to the interview part, exploded and yelled at the interviewers and stormed out of the building. I don't know what they called him. LOL.
I heard about the recent new hires at the department where I once worked and discovered that their interview process is a shadow of what I had to go through to get the same job.
To get a position as an officer at this Department of Public Safety, a potential candidate had to do the following:
>Fill out a 30 page packet which took a long time to fill out. Information had to include the past 20 years of history (which at the time meant going back to grade school information).
>Once called to start the process (it took 9 months - I actually forgot about the application), a candidate had to go take a written exam consisting of general knowledge, math, critical thinking and mechanical aptitude. The exam took approximately 5 hours to take.
>If you passed, a phone call confirmed it and invited you to take the next eliminator - the physical fitness test. It was a long "workout" which was timed combining both firefighting and police requirements.
~I forgot how long the time requirements were, but the test was exhausting and performed without rest
breaks.
Ready, get set, GO! Pick up a hotel pack (weight = approximately 70 lbs), run up 3 flights of stairs,
drop the pack. Run to the edge of the building and pull up 2 sections of hose (approx. 40lbs) by a
rope 3 stories. Pick up hose, lift over railing, touch the floor, and the lift over the railing again and
lower to ground in a controlled manner. Run back to the hotel pack, and run down 3 flights of
stairs with it.
Run to the other side of the building, climb a ladder 3 stories, touch the top and back to the ground.
Run back around to the other side, chop a piece of wood with an axe.
Run inside the building where there is a hose rack with 10 sections of 2 1/2" hose on the top section.
Take each section down, stack neatly and then return them back to their original place.
Run outside the tower to an area where you have to run 50 ft with various boxes and weights, then
drag a charged 2 1/2" hose the 50 ft. Drag a 180 lb manikin.
Now you ran to the police obstacle course area. Jump/climb over various heights of chain link
fences, crawl through some tunnels, balance on beams and perform some sprints.
Next, get into a patrol car - huh, I forgot what the hell I did in there - weird. Then you jump out
and hold a training 9mm gun in firing position for 2 minutes. (This doesn't sound difficult, but after
everything, you feel like a rubber band).
Now you drop the gun and run half a mile.
That's the end of the physical fitness test.
>If you passed that, then you get a phone call for a medical physical and a written psychological test to see how much you hate your mother and such.
>If you pass that, then you have an appointment with a psychologist to see how much you hate your mother again.
>If you pass that, you have to wait for your background investigation to be completed. They had people visit my relatives, neighbors, friends from school - back to elementary school. Amazing.
>If you pass that, then you meet with your case investigator who asks you about everything they found out and to explain any bad thing you could have done in the past.
>If you pass that, then you are invited to have be interviewed. An interview consists of 6 senior officers of both the fire and police department. It is not a pleasant experience. They use every means possible to piss you off and play psychological games. One was "the good cop", one was the "bad cop", one asked the goofiest and strangest questions, another was the agitator.
I was seated at a round table with all the interviewers looking at me. The started pleasantly, then one by one started asking questions. The strange guy kept asking about decapitations and described gruesome scenerios with questions. The "good cop" asked a couple of questions, was all smiles and listened to me intently. The "bad cop" asked questions with a scowl on his face, swirled around in his chair while I was talking to him, etc. I was surprised by his actions at the time. The agitator told me he saw some of my grades in college and thought I was stupid. He asked, "Are you f*cking stupid or plain lazy?" "I'm not hiring a dumbass." WHAT???!!
Any answer to his question he called me "stupid" or "dumbass". He clearly was trying to piss me off. Situational questions, shoot/ don't shoot questions, personal questions..... The finale was the question, "Who here will vote for you being part of our "family" and who here will vote against you and why."
I walked in there looking professional in my suit and left sweaty and plainly shocked. I was lead to an office where I was offered the position.
I have never before had an "interview process" like that and probably never will again.
The officer candidates now have it easy. They no longer interview that way and I think it's a shame. It clearly eliminated those that would succumb to easy stress in the job. One guy, who actually made it to the interview part, exploded and yelled at the interviewers and stormed out of the building. I don't know what they called him. LOL.
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