Monday, August 27, 2012

Testicles, Girlie, testicles!

I walk into the patient's room after seeing his chief complaint and had time to start the ball rolling before the ER doc came into to see him.
He was in the bed, crumped down with a scowl on his face. He was like the typical cantankerous old poops I've been dealing with lately.

"You gonna take my blood?"
"I'm going to start an IV and draw blood."
"Good luck with that. Are you any good? No one gets me on the first try. I have crappy veins."
I began to look at one arm, getting the lay of the land so to speak.

"I asked you are you any good? Haven't you found anything yet? Ahh, you're not going to get it."
"What's your hurry? I'm looking at your arms. Let me do my thing"
I asked him about his pain while looking.

"It starts here and goes down into this testicle. Girlie.......testicle. Testicle! Do you even know what a testicle is?"
"Ummm, no. I missed that day of nursing school. Is it like a tonsil?" I smiled at him and I saw a glimmer of a smirk back. His wife had a great sense of humor and laughed.
"You're going to totally not get this IV. Are you good at it?"
"I guess we'll see....they usually only let me clean the rooms, but the nurses said I can stick you with needles today."
I got the IV - no problem.
"Well, damn. I didn't think you were going to get it."
" No, you didn't"
"What? What did you say?"
"I said - In -Your- Face! Mr. Poopy Patient. In your face." I said this as I bundled him up like a little baby in a bunch of warm blankets. "There. Now you're almost cute."
"Get the hell outta here," he said with a smirk.
"Oh, I'll be watching you.....I'm watching you..."

I love my little cranky ole male patients. I'd like to smack them upside the head, but it's fun to try to turn them into smiling cranks.

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