The PITA Patient

I looked at the patient and knew he was going to be a pain in the ass.
He was in a motorcycle accident and fell onto his left side resulting in road rash to the left forearm with a deep laceration, shoulder pain, and left lower leg pain.

I got some pillows and ice packs for his leg and arm. While I was elevating his leg, he exclaimed, "Urrgh! That hurts. Leave it alone."
"You need to elevate it. Of course it hurts, you were in an accident."
"Seriously, leave it alone."
"No, let me do my thing. Stop being so prissy - I know you're in pain."
He made a stern grimacing face at me.

When he returned from radiology, I had some things together to clean up his arm abrasions before the doctor irrigated the laceration.
"Okay, this is going to hurt," I stated.
"I know. Stop saying that."
"Saying what?"
"That it's going to hurt. You keep saying that."
"Well, it is."
"Ya know, your bedside manner sucks."
"Do you want to do this yourself?"
"No."
"Then be nice. Seriously, you're kind of a sucky patient."
"Fine."
"Fine."

I cleaned the area and it hurt - Just. Like. I. Told. Him.
I gave him some pain medications beforehand, but it was all raw, exposed skin.

After discharge, I rolled a wheelchair into the room.

"I don't want to be in a wheelchair."
"You can't walk on that leg. Just sit in the chair and I'll roll you out to the car."

He made a sigh and a grimace trying to get into the chair.
I drove the patient home.
I swear, my husband is going to be such a pain in the ass through this whole ordeal.
I hate motorcycles.